??s for Parents of 12 yr olds....

[MinnieMSue]

We aim for in bed by 9 and asleep by 9:30 but it varies. She uses cell phone for alarm clock and decides what time she will get up herself to be at school on time. She does not talk or text on her phone at night. Usually she listens to music or watches videos. She has to be at school (walks one block to it) by 7:50. She usually chooses to get up 6:15-6:30 and does a good job of monitoring herself.

 

[Accident]

When my daughter was this age there wasn't really a bedtime but there was a "don't disturb the house, other people get up early too" time. Tie school performance including being able to wake up for it to this strategy and they get a little independence that's theirs to lose.

 

[bear_mom]

Last school year, when dd was 12, we encouraged heading to bed around 9, but didn't enforce it or a time she had to go to sleep. Her phone is charged in the kitchen, but she reads on her iPad so that is in her room with her. I'm not sure when she falls asleep, dh and I are usually asleep by 10, sometimes I can tell she is still reading.

As long as she gets up without too much complaining (she isn't a morning person) and her grades stay up, then dh and I see no reason to enforce her trying to go to sleep earlier than she does.

 

[kj2mom]

My twins are 13 and if they are home (no scheduled events) they are usually heading up around 8 and I tuck them in (meaning lights out, electronics charging in a different room) at 9pm. During the summer I have gotten a little lax and sometimes I don't go up until 9:30. During the school year we usually have activities 4 out of 5 weeknights so I am really strict on that one night because they need that down time. I have always been crazy about their sleep schedule and while I have eased up some (I kind of have no choice since their activities often go later into the evening than I would like) on nights we are home I am strict as can be.

Taking away electronics is pretty much my only punishment these days although the other night I threatened to have my daughter stay home and not go to her evening activity that night and she broke down and cried, maybe another thing that might work (I would never do that with a team sport or activity that their presence would have an effect on others but this was just a drop in craft night that was not a big deal).

 

[hsmamato2]

after having been through all of this.... I think the problem is the electronics, which makes it a whole diferrent world of self regulation (read,VERY difficult) vs. the days when our options were a book or talking or tv. There is just an endless stream of content and contact with friends (skype,games,videos) in the palm of their hand that makes it really hard to just shut it off and go to sleep. How different kids handle it is another question, I had 2 kids, 2 different needs to handle.... at 12, if you as the parent can see he needs help regulating his sleep/downtimes, then you step in and adjust for him. Good discipline is supposed to help a child develop self discipline,and learn eventually how to self regulate. This may involve some tired mornings,some discussions with him about his feelings,and some compromise based on what other kids seem to be doing. And ultimately it means that as a parent you sometimes need to set a time to wind down,and stick with it. When mine were younger it was usually 9;30-10 am.,in order to be up by 8 a.m. that meant I had them shut off the electronics by my set time, and get themselves cleaned up, and have some quiet time before sleep,reading,staring at the ceiling,whatever.. just no screens after that time. It worked for us,mostly.

 

[ajwolfe]

Last school year, when dd was 12, we encouraged heading to bed around 9, but didn't enforce it or a time she had to go to sleep. Her phone is charged in the kitchen, but she reads on her iPad so that is in her room with her. I'm not sure when she falls asleep, dh and I are usually asleep by 10, sometimes I can tell she is still reading.

As long as she gets up without too much complaining (she isn't a morning person) and her grades stay up, then dh and I see no reason to enforce her trying to go to sleep earlier than she does.

This was almost going to be my exact response. My son is 12 now and this is how we handle it. Although his phone is charged in his room, we don't have any issue with it. Most of the time I'm asleep before he is but I tend to require more sleep than both of my kiddos. LOL!

 

[scrapquitler]

Sorry for being off topic and not asking a budget question but I have read a lot of non budget related questions here in the past and so I thought I'd ask here for advise from you Parents out there of 12 yr olds(or older)of how things are going at your house with your preteen(12 yr old) Middle schoolers?
I'm wondering what time do your 12 yr olds usually go to bed or should I say usually fall asleep? my DS seems to think my ideas of bedtime are out dated and going to bed at 830/9pm(on a school night) is way too early and why can't he stay awake using his IPad until he falls asleep? are any other parents having issues with getting TV's, Ipads and phones away from their preteens? if so, how did you do it? And what is the bedtime you have given your 12 yr old?
Was also wondering what time of "time out" do you give your preteen/teen that seems to work well for your family? My preteen DS is my 3rd child but for some reason things that we have used in the past are not working well with this child and so I'm looking for some helpful and constructive ideas that have worked with other families.
Thanks for all the help

ctc917

My 12 year old usually goes to be around 11/11:30, same as me. HOWEVER, we home school and rarely get up before 8:30 or so.

For "time out" we with hold electronics.

 

[BigAlsGal]

Our 12 year old sets his own bed time. Rule is as long as he gets up in the morning, and does well in school we set no schedule. If he gave me grief in the morning or his grades started to slip that would all stop. He tends to get in bed around 10:30. He gets up at 6:30. He's a good kid and on honor roll. All kids are different though.

As far as time out? I guess it would be early bed time. Lol

 

[bigbabyblues]

My 12-yo goes to bed around 10. No electronics upstairs, and our wifi router is programmed to turn off his internet access at 9:00. He has an ipod, no cell phone.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

8:30 is excessive for a 12 year old. My 2 year old goes to bed at 8:00. I could see starting to wind down by 8:30 though.

 

[ctc917]

Thanks for all your input its been very helpful..And I guess I should of said my DS heads to bed around 830/9pm but doesn't fall asleep until around 10pm or later, last year he was going to bed earlier and falling asleep earlier and then this summer he changed his sleep patterns and so I'm trying to figure out what a good medium might be, between the amount I as his Mom would like him to have and what he as a teen would like to have...

 

[kj2mom]

8:30 is excessive for a 12 year old.

I am not sure how valid such a blanket statement is. My 13 year old has to be heading to school on jazz band days (2 days a week) at 6am. If he gets up at 5:30 then that is about 9 hours only if he falls asleep right away and if he only needs 30 minutes to get ready. I guess what is excessive for some is required for others?

 

[sk!mom]

I'm wondering what time do your 12 yr olds usually go to bed or should I say usually fall asleep? my DS seems to think my ideas of bedtime are out dated and going to bed at 830/9pm(on a school night) is way too early and why can't he stay awake using his IPad until he falls asleep? are any other parents having issues with getting TV's, Ipads and phones away from their preteens? if so, how did you do it? And what is the bedtime you have given your 12 yr old?
Was also wondering what time of "time out" do you give your preteen/teen that seems to work well for your family? My preteen DS is my 3rd child but for some reason things that we have used in the past are not working well with this child and so I'm looking for some helpful and constructive ideas that have worked with other families.
Thanks for all the help

ctc917

By 12, I know longer "gave" a bedtime. My kids went to bed when they finished homework or were ready. DS30 was so long ago that I don't remember specifics but both of my kids at preteen/teen ages had busy schedules so they set their own bedtime at an acceptable time. DD19 liked to be in bed by 10 and needed to be up by 6:30 to 7. According to WebMD, she was fine...12-18 Years Old: 8 - 9 hours per day.

 

[hershey2014]

we have a "bedtime" set on her phone, it turns itself off at 8 pm and can't be accessed until a set time the next morning

actual bedtime is at 9

What kind of phone do you have and how do you set that feature up?

 

[Isatricia]

My 10 & 12 yr old girls have bedtime at 9pm. They aren't necessarily in bed by then, but nearly always be 9:30. My 10 yr old, like me, is an insomniac. When she says she "can't sleep" I tell her that she needs to lie and rest. My kids are homeschooled, but they have to go to work with me most mornings.

No electronics after bed time. No TV in the room.

Time out/punishment - You have to find out what is most important to them and take that away. My youngest - that means TV or her electronics. For my oldest, it mean taking away swim team - that is her most favorite and important thing. Quite simply, if she can't act properly, she will not get to do what her favorite thing is.

 

[dprincessmom]

For DD that just started middle school - in bed with a book by 9; lights out at 9:30. That being said, she put herself to bed at 8 last night because she was tired

For years, we have started the school year with a discussion on other classmates' bedtime; I am open to opinions from her and we discuss. Typically after about a week (we started last Wednesday) we are in the 9 to 9:30 realm where we need to be. Alarms go off at 6 and the rule is the first time there is an issue getting up in the morning (Early morning SASS is a no no at my house) we go to bed 30 minutes earlier.

As far as the punishment that works best at our house (and has for years) - you loose privileges. Be it x amount of TV; certain shows (again the SASS factor); electronics. The electronics is a little hard to enforce because her school has etextbooks so the iPad for school is a must. Honestly we figured out when she was little, this was the best approach. Figure out what "hurts" the most and have that be the go to.

The other thing we do (again involving SASS) is that is actually listed as one of her chores (no sass) and can impact the amount of allowance she can earn for the week. 3 stikes on this and $0.00 allowance for you that week, but all chores must still be done.

 

[Sunnywho]

What kind of phone do you have and how do you set that feature up?

it's an android phone and the app is called dinnertime
a web search should turn it up
it gets installed on the parent's phone and it controls the kid's phone

 

[mi*vida*loca]

By 12 they can fall asleep when they want but they need to be in their room by 10 pm.

We withhold electronics as their punishment. That works the best.

 

[lisaross]

My son is 13. He has to leave the house to catch the bus at about 6:50 - school starts early! Usually he goes to bed about 9 or 9:30 unless a show that he watches is on till 10p which is 1x a week. But he is the type of kid that if he is tired he has no problem saying goodnight and just heading up early. As for electronics, they get charged downstairs.

 

[abcboys]

My boys are 10, 13, 16. The 10 year old has a 9:00 bedtime. And the 13 and 16 year old is kind of whenever. I honestly have no idea how late my oldest stays up, I just know I go to bed usually before he does. I tell my 13 year old I'd like him to try to go to bed by 10 but I don't make a big deal about it as long as he gets up in the morning ok, which he always does. My kids don't have to be up super early, though, just by 7:00 or so.