??s for Parents of 12 yr olds....

[ctc917]

Sorry for being off topic and not asking a budget question but I have read a lot of non budget related questions here in the past and so I thought I'd ask here for advise from you Parents out there of 12 yr olds(or older)of how things are going at your house with your preteen(12 yr old) Middle schoolers?
I'm wondering what time do your 12 yr olds usually go to bed or should I say usually fall asleep? my DS seems to think my ideas of bedtime are out dated and going to bed at 830/9pm(on a school night) is way too early and why can't he stay awake using his IPad until he falls asleep? are any other parents having issues with getting TV's, Ipads and phones away from their preteens? if so, how did you do it? And what is the bedtime you have given your 12 yr old?
Was also wondering what time of "time out" do you give your preteen/teen that seems to work well for your family? My preteen DS is my 3rd child but for some reason things that we have used in the past are not working well with this child and so I'm looking for some helpful and constructive ideas that have worked with other families.
Thanks for all the help

ctc917

 

[SylviaL]

On school nights, we will ask DS12 to get ready for bed at 9 and in bed by 9:30. He can read in bed for a bit, if he can't fall asleep. All electronics are charged in DH's office. We don't feel that they need to be texting their friends late at night/early in the morning.

 

[3boymthr]

Withholding electronics seems to work best for my teens.

And my kids have a much later bed time than that. They stopped going to bed before nine when they were in 2nd or 3rd grade. Right now they go to bed around 11/11:30 (well younger two do - oldest sets his own hours but then he's also over 18). When school starts next month around 10/10:30 for youngest and still around 11 for middle. That will vary once we see how youngest reacts to having to get up earlier now that he's in jr. high. They take their showers at night and get up at @6:45 for school.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

A 12 year old generally needs 8-9 hours of sleep a night; a 9 o'clock bedtime is appropriate for that age. They also should not be using electronics in bed or before going to sleep; using them alters sleep patterns.

http://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/electronics-the-bedroom

Why would there be an issue with this? The parent makes the rules; all electronic devices are handed to Mom and Dad before bedtime.

 

[Sunnywho]

we have a "bedtime" set on her phone, it turns itself off at 8 pm and can't be accessed until a set time the next morning

actual bedtime is at 9

 

[robinb]

My DD was always the type of kid to go to bed early, so we never had issues with her getting to bed at a reasonable hour. I would say that she was usually asleep by 10:00 every night. That was about the age that I started to let her choose her own bedtime and suffer the consequences if she stayed up too late. As for the iPad, I've read a lot about electronics use right before bedtime but that doesn't seem to phase my DD (who will be 16 tomorrow).

 

[barkley]

my 'kids' are not 12, but my 18 year old is on the autism spectrum so it's much like dealing w/ a child (and I stress CHILD) of that age.

our son has to be AT the bus stop by 7 so in order to get up, eat, get coherent and to the bus on time he has to be up by 6. going to bed at 11 means only 7 hours per night of sleep so it's never a consideration. our son has sleep issues so it take awhile for him to actually fall asleep, but w/both our kids it's been lights out at 10 throughout high school. that only allows for 8 hours sleep which sleep specialists say is the MINIMUM teens need.

my son (and my neuro typical dd) didn't have phones at 12 so that was a non issue for us. as far as TV's, computers and other electronics-in our home they are a privilege-not a right. unless basic minimum standards of behavior/school performance (well within individual capabilities) are maintained-electronics are not used. we have taken them away and stored them until the right has been re-earned. as far as falling asleep w/an ipad-I would strongly discourage it. I have horrendous sleep issues largely b/c of habits I acquired wherein rather than being able to just fall asleep I either have to lay in bed listening to the tv or radio. being able to actually lay down and fall asleep by choice is a valuable tool in developing good sleeping habits-don't buy into anything that is detrimental to that.

 

[Minniesgal]

My 12 year old doesn't have any electronics in his bedroom.

We send him for a shower at 8pm then he is allowed to play until 9pm so if it takes him an hour he loses his playtime and if he comes out unclean (showering too fast) we just send him back in

He gets sent to bed at 9pm and falls asleep pretty quickly. At the weekend he gets to stay up until 10-11pm

 

[Ali]

My son is 14 and he has always regulated his own bedtime. as a baby/toddler he was go to sleep at 11 and wake up at 5 because he just didn't sleep well or need much sleep. He was in bed by 10 in middle school because he knew how early he had to get up. Over the summer he turned into the typical teen and stayed up until 2 AM and woke up at 11 AM but now that school has started he is back to bed between 9:30 and 10 because he knows what his body needs. He has electronics on until bed time and it has never been an issue. His electronics are not normally in his bedroom though. He actually sleeps with the TV on, no sound, and has since he was a baby. He likes it that way.

Maybe trust your 12 year old to self-regulate and live with the consequences. See what happens with a later bedtime? I remember having an 8 pm bedtime until I was in 4th grade. That was a crazy idea.

 

[NinaBella]

Sorry for being off topic and not asking a budget question but I have read a lot of non budget related questions here in the past and so I thought I'd ask here for advise from you Parents out there of 12 yr olds(or older)of how things are going at your house with your preteen(12 yr old) Middle schoolers?
I'm wondering what time do your 12 yr olds usually go to bed or should I say usually fall asleep? my DS seems to think my ideas of bedtime are out dated and going to bed at 830/9pm(on a school night) is way too early and why can't he stay awake using his IPad until he falls asleep? are any other parents having issues with getting TV's, Ipads and phones away from their preteens? if so, how did you do it? And what is the bedtime you have given your 12 yr old?
Was also wondering what time of "time out" do you give your preteen/teen that seems to work well for your family? My preteen DS is my 3rd child but for some reason things that we have used in the past are not working well with this child and so I'm looking for some helpful and constructive ideas that have worked with other families.
Thanks for all the help

ctc917

My kids sons are 23, 21, and 13. My daughter is 12.
Right now it's summer so they do not have a bedtime. My daughter has mentioned lately she has a hard time falling asleep before 1AM. She stays up and watches videos, makes videos, and facetimes her friends. I usually go to bed by 9PM so she goes upstairs in her room after her dad goes to bed which is usually by 11PM. My 13 year old is a gamer so he stays up and plays videogames with his friends (online). School starts in two weeks and we will start enforcing a bedtime of 11 PM. My daughter is a competitive cheerleader and her practice doesn't usually end until 8:30 or 9:00 PM. Their coach can make them stay late if they are not doing well and a competition is coming up. The cheerleading gym is also an hour from our house, so realistically, on cheer practice nights a 11 PM bedtime is pretty good as she has to come home and shower and unwind. The school bus comes just before 8AM and we usually have them away at 6:30/7 AM for school. My daughter likes to get up earlier so she has more time to get ready and do her hair while my son likes to sleep a bit longer.

In our area, even in elementary school we have an early and late start school and my kids went to the late start where the bus didn't even come to get them until after 9AM. The buses makes several rounds starting with high school, middle school, early start elem, late start elem. Same bus, driver, to different schools... 4 rounds in the morning, 4 rounds in the afternoon.

I don't think there is a right or wrong... every kid is different.

ETA: My kids keep their electronics in their room. Their alarm clock is on their phone. Also, we wake them up on our way to work, but call them (on their cell) to ensure they are up and moving around by 7AM. Nothing wrong with keeping their phone. My kids also text me after they are in bed or if I am in bed. My son is funny, he didn't want to wake us up and texted us one night that he was up vomiting. I heard the text go off anyways. DD might text me a reminder note that she thought of after she laid down in bed like something she needs me to remind her to do the next day.

 

[Eureka]

I have a 12 yr old DS and a 14 yr old DS, so we've done this once already, but they are two different kids, so what works for one may not work for another. During the summer our kids swim, so they need to be up early. DS12 likes to play games online and Skype with his friends, so he likes to stay up late. This summer we set a 10-ish pm rule that he had to be upstairs. (After that he would play in his iPad a little some days). Now that swim is over, he does not have a set bedtime and also can sleep late. However, school starts in two weeks. We have (and had when our older DS was 12) a 9pm upstairs rule for most nights. After that, they can read or whatever for awhile. DS12 is crankier without sleep so we'll have to make sure he has shut off all electronics etc by 10 I think. Although, he's going to have sports practice until 8:30pm some nights then a 20min drive home, so we may need to play with that bc he's starving when he gets home. Ds14 is an early riser and doesn't seem to need as much sleep, and is going into high school, so we have loosened up quite a bit with him. That said, he's had sports at 7am so is falling asleep by 9:30-10pm most nights lately.

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

9:30 seems to work well as a bedtime for DD. Any later and her 5:45 am wake up time is a challenge. I don't take electronics away, but a book is just as likely to keep her up. For the most part, electronics are just charging when I go in there at night.

Taking away her phone while her friends are up or during the school day is the best punishment. She uses it on the bus but not actually at school. The really, really best punishment would be to take away books, but I haven't had to resort to that yet. She has come close though as a reaction to shutting out the rest of the world in order to read. What a problem, right?

 

[CAFarmerGirl]

10pm with 7am wake up...no electronics after 10 (or she would be awake until 2).

My dd still has a hard time falling asleep before 11. Her biological clock is more like 2am-2pm.

Consequences? Taking away electronics and making them earn back the privilege.

 

[verleniahall]

Mine growing up was 9:00 - get ready adn into bed - I could read until 10pm

 

[sharona]

My DD12 has no set bedtime during the summer and is usually up until a little after 11 but will sometimes get involved with a book or movie and stay up much later. If I feel she is overdoing it with the late nights and getting into a bad sleep cycle or being especially cranky, I'll enforce a 10pm bedtime for a night or two to force her to catch up. Once school starts then we have some set bed times and rules around electronics.

DD has to be up for school at at 6:45am. School nights she has to be in bed, showered and clothes ready for the next day, by 9:30. Ipad/laptop/youtube time ends at 10 then it's lights out at 10:30 (half hour later than last year). We agreed that as long as she gets up on time for school without me having to nag at her, she can keep the later bedtime. If she's struggling to get up in the morning then I'll cut that back by half an hour. The electronics are currently stored and charged in her room. We did have an issue with that last year where I discovered her using her iPad in bed well after lights out and I took them away for a week. I don't think either of us want to go through that again so I let her have them back with the warning that next time it would be two weeks.

I agree with the PP about the biological clock of tweens/teens. I can't wait til next year when our school switches to a later start time and DD can "sleep in" until 7:30!

As for "time outs" when they're older, you have to hit em where it hurts! For our generation it was grounding and missing time and activities with friends or no tv in the days before dvrs and netflix. For their generation it's electronics! Just make it a reasonable amount of time and don't give in to the begging!

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, my 12 year olds don't get home from dance and/or soccer until close to 10 several nights each week. Fortunately, they can sleep until 7:30. Once my kids get to high school, no more bedtimes anyway. I take ds12's phone most nights, but dd12 keeps hers (she doesn't stay up on it). Dd14 uses hers as her alarm (I haven't had to wake her in years).

 

[amylevan]

I would base bedtime on what time they have to get up in the morning. 9 hours of sleep for a 12 year old is about right, so figure out what time they need to be awake in the morning and work backward.

I'm not really going to comment on electronics because I think there is a wide range of what's acceptable and its based a lot of the child. Some can have their electronics in their room and can self-regulate and not have it affect their days and their sleep. Others need to be forced to "join the real world" and turn off the electronics at times during the day and others need to have them taken at night so that they don't let it affect their sleep.

 

[ICF]

My 12 yr old daughter goes to bed by 9.....she gets up around 6 as bus pickup is at 7:05.

 

[angierae]

8:30 sounds early to me. When DD was 12 she was in bed by 9:30 and lights out by 10 - books, not electronics, however. She got up at 7.

 

[HM]

9pm was our kids bedtime. The were up by 6:30 for 7:30 start at school (I drove them).

Elementary school was 8 and then 8:30. By HS, I still gave them a bedtime of 10pm. If they had things that meant they had to stay up later, they could, but they still had to be up at 6:30 so a 10pm bedtime made good sense to keep them healthy and rested.

We had phones that could be deactived by the parent and we set it up so that they couldn't call or text at night between 9pm-6am on school nights. (Kajeet.com) So no sneaking. In your case, you should have a place in your own bedroom that the kids deposit their electronics at night before bedtime. They can charge in there and you can be sure they aren't using them.