I am a big mean mom..

[maxiesmom]

And say what to all 141 people? Sorry we disagree but thanks for your input? Yes, that would be sincere. I am reading all the responses. Sorry you feel bad for my daughter? Nope, that one wouldn't be sincere. Find me one thread where every single post gets a reply.

Most of the people disagree with me and that's ok. I asked for opinions and I got them. I didn't leave the thread in a huff or delete my OP and change the thread title to nevermind. I always tough out my threads. I'm not going to change my mind but I do appreciate why others feel the way they do. It's what makes the world go round.

Why did you start this thread then?

 

[Hikergirl]

That's what I wasn't going for. If you want to drive, realize that it's a lot of responsibility and not something that's just going to be handed to you.

For us that is more how we felt about our kid's having a car, not so much their license.

The only way for a teen to become a responsible driver is to drive. The only way to drive is to get a permit and learn from either your parents or lessons, or driver's ed. To me that isn't them being handed anything, they still need to do the "work" involved in learning to drive, its not like you are going to get your permit and then be let loose to just do as you please.
The license is the reward for being responsible IMO.

Now, getting a car is a different matter, that isn't going to be handed to you just because you have a license.


I grew up taking public transportation, I got my license late because all of my friends drove and when my parent could drive me they did. The older I got the harder it was even with public transportation. I'd have to get to work but on some days taking the bus from school would get me there way to late for my shift. I had to "bum" rides from people and that really wasn't fair to them.

I'm not trying to change your mind, you clearly have your mind set and FTR I don't think you are being mean. I am just sharing another perspective.

 

[lovesmurfs]

We paid. Considered it another cost of parenting.

 

[Klayfish]

My boys are already bugging the daylights out of me about wanting to drive. DS13 has already saved up money and is dying to buy a golf cart. DS10 is also chomping at the bit to drive one, and also is always begging me to take him to the local go kart track. There is no doubt in my mind that the second they're eligible to drive, they'll be ready...so yeah, I guess we'll pay for it. As for getting them a car...well, we'll see. We're not rich, so we won't be going out and buying them a new car, but we'll figure something out.

 

[North of Mouse]

Driver's permits/licenses where we live is a very non issue. They cost very little.

Now, the extra insurance/car - a 'very' different matter! They were working and paid for their own. They thank us today, and have done the same with their own children. Our dear g'dau. thanked us just the other day for setting the standard. They appreciate and take care of their vehicles, and are so proud of them - not new, but we made sure they were good vehicles.
Responsibility never hurts children - not to start just handing things to them when they have the where with to help themselves.

 

[pweyl36]

I live in Delaware and drivers ed is free. they offer it as a class in high school.

 

[lancermom]

I paid for my daughter's driving school and associated expenses, and plan to do the same for my son. The only requirements is they pay for gas, pitch in to run errands when needed and if you get in an accident, contribute to the co-pay. In addition to driving being a necessary life skill (in my opinion), my children having their license is also a convenience to me. Once my daughter started driving, she was able to drive herself to work, practices, activities, etc. I no longer had to arrange my schedule so I could be around to take her to work or pick her up. When I need her to run to the store or sometimes drive her brother somewhere, she can.

 

[kimblebee]

Why did you start this thread then?

To see what other opinions and thoughts are. To have a new thread. To liven up the boards.

I never once said should I pay. I said up front I wasn't paying. Even the title says I AM a big mean mom, not am I a big mean mom?

 

[HarperLeigh]

To see what other opinions and thoughts are. To have a new thread. To liven up the boards.

I never once said should I pay. I said up front I wasn't paying. Even the title says I AM a big mean mom, not am I a big mean mom?

My daughter is going to be 17 in a few weeks and she has all of a sudden decided she wants to get her drivers licence.

She asked if I would pay for her beginners and test and I said no. To me, driving is an option, not a necessity and I think she should start to have to pay for things.

We still pay for her cell phone and any other expenses she has. She does have a job and pays for her clothes but that's because she is a shoe and clothing horse. She has sooo many clothes lol

Also, if she drives our car after she gets her license she won't have to pay for insurance because our insurance covers the car, not the driver. We'd maybe ask for gas money once in a while.

In all honesty, I don't want her driving our car at all. It's old, held together by rust and is very powerful. I always think of it as a boys car because it does have a ton of power lol

To practice driving, my dad and one of my brothers has offered to take her out in their cars.

So, am I a meanie?

From your OP, yes, you did ask whether you were being a meanie.

 

[kimblebee]

From your OP, yes, you did ask whether you were being a meanie.

Yeah, but I didn't ask if I should pay for her licence. I asked if other people did. Asking if I'm mean is different than asking if I should pay for her licence.

 

[Shanti]

My daughter is going to be 17 in a few weeks and she has all of a sudden decided she wants to get her drivers licence.

She asked if I would pay for her beginners and test and I said no. To me, driving is an option, not a necessity and I think she should start to have to pay for things.

We still pay for her cell phone and any other expenses she has. She does have a job and pays for her clothes but that's because she is a shoe and clothing horse. She has sooo many clothes lol

Also, if she drives our car after she gets her license she won't have to pay for insurance because our insurance covers the car, not the driver. We'd maybe ask for gas money once in a while.

In all honesty, I don't want her driving our car at all. It's old, held together by rust and is very powerful. I always think of it as a boys car because it does have a ton of power lol

To practice driving, my dad and one of my brothers has offered to take her out in their cars.

So, am I a meanie?

I regard driver's ed as part of my child's education, just like swimming lessons were, so I will pay for it. I will pay for all of his college education, too. I regard finacing a child's education to the best of one's ability as a parental duty.

Driving might not be a necessity in the area you live, but it is a necessity in many other areas (including mine). You want your child to be prepared for life, even if she chooses to move to a new area as an adult.

 

[Shanti]

If I were you, that line in the sand would be the phone or the clothes, not the driver's license.

Agreed.

 

[mickeyboat]

I paid for DD17 - her permit test, her license test, and her insurance. Driver's Ed was a class in school. My DD18 will not be able to drive because of her vision, so DD17 is responsible for taking her wherever she needs to go. We pay for every other tank of gas and vehicle maintenance. She is a lucky kid.

A car is a necessity here for the most part. There is some public transportation, but it does not run all the time, so it would not be feasible to rely on it. I would not have considered asking DD17 to pay for her tests and instruction because she did not have a source of income at 15 when it was time for her to do it. If she had been older and had a job or there was good public transportation available, I might have considered asking her to pay for it, or part of it.

As far as phones go, we pay for their phones. We used to pay them for their grades, but they traded it in for us paying for their phones. If they want a new phone, they pay the additional cost and we pay for the monthly service.

As far as clothes go, I am happy to buy them basic clothing, and some special occasion stuff, but if there is something outrageously priced I will ask them to chip in. Also if they already have two pairs of brown boots and want another, that third pair is on them.

 

[mjkacmom]

They take drivers ed in school, but then have to take 4 hours of private instruction to get their permits, $400. We pay, because I want them to get as much practice as they can under our roof. My niece was afraid to drive, she finally hit her permit at 18, but is now away at college. An adult should have a license, just in case (my mom didn't learn to drive until she was 22, grew up on a city and without a car in the family). It's a life skill, like swimming (my kids were forced into many years of swim lessons).

I pay for our phone plan, they buy their phones.

 

[luvsJack]

Many situations are going to be different, depending on where people live. For US, we paid for anything pertaining to getting a license and we purchased their first cars.

We live 30 minutes from their high school (which is in one direction from us) and 30 minutes from town (in the other direction). I work in the town direction. So, any activities that required staying after school required an hour drive for me after work. Any ballgames that got them back to the school late at night, had me driving 30 minutes there and 30 minutes back in the middle of the night. Choir (dd) may have me driving in either direction or even further to pick her up. It was well worth the price of the cars to me.

For someone else whose kids can always catch a bus or whatever home or rarely really "needs" a ride, they aren't going to see a car or even the necessity to drive in the same way we do.

 

[Pkltm]

I think of driving as something everyone should know how to do , so like swimming lessons everyone should really know how to swim too I paid for I will pay for them to get a license . Even gone as far as getting them lessons with Young Drivers to be able to do it safely.

It is not cheap to get your license anymore so that is a big cost here in Canada. The sooner the better too since they will be on probation for 2 years. I have parents that won't let there kids get their license period which I find funny because they drive.

It is actually fairly cheap here in Manitoba, if child is able to and the parents permit to take it through the high school. Driver's Ed costs $50, first license costs $55 for the year.

I must be mean too. I feel if a child wants that kind of responsibility, the way to start is by taking charge of the process themselves...

Need a parent's permission here to take the class through our school system.

I have no idea how much it is. Becaue she's over 15 1/2 she doesn't have to take drivers ed. When I took it (1991) it was free but I'm sure it's changed since then LOL

$50, my DD took it in high school when she was 17, more cost effective, and includes a fair amount of in car practice.

Sorry if it's been covered, but haven't had time to read the entire thing. Your choice on paying for the permit or not. Personally, I would, but I'd understand if you didn't.

My comment is on the insurance part. In your OP, you said that DD doesn't have to pay for insurance, because your insurance covers the car and not the driver. Are you 110% sure on that? I'd very strongly encourage you to check your policy and/or check with your agent. Are you in Canada? I don't have a ton of experience with Canadian policies, but in the U.S. that would absolutely not be true. You MUST list a driver in the household, insurance does not cover just the car. In my limited dealings with Canadian policies, it's the same way, but I could be wrong (this is what I do for a living). Please, for your own sake, double check. I can't imagine an insurance that wouldn't care who's driving and only cover the car.

Totally sure! They way it works here is that the car is insured and anyone can realistically drive it as long as they have a license. It can be "registered" to a company or a person. My car is registered to me, if my DD has an accident and she is determined to be at fault, we pay our deductible. My insurance will NOT go up the next year as it's cost is based upon my driver's license rating. Her license would cost her more next year.

As for us living in the same place as the OP, we paid for our kids first license and driver's ed. When their license came up for renewal they pay. I feel as though our local transit is lacking and never wanted them to have to rely on taking the bus. As an example DD worked at a mall that is a 15 minute drive from our house, but it takes over an hour to get there on the bus and you must transfer in a less than ideal spot.

 

[J'aime Paris]

For the record, we did pay for DD to get her permit, license, car, insurance, gas, etc

You certainly aren't obligated to pay.

My question is, will you allow DD to get her permit/license if she is willing to pay???
It seems like you simply don't want her to drive.

 

[Julylady]

In my family, learning to drive is a skill just like learning to tie your shoes, or boil an egg, or braid your hair. Everyone knows they have to learn how to do it. Some drivers in training needed more practice time as they didn't pick up driving skills as quickly as others but ALL had their license and were driving alone by age 17. Neither of my Grandma's drove and I think my parents were sick of picking them up and carting them all over town. They made sure all of us kids were drivers and we made sure the next generation are all drivers. Parents always paid/pay for the Drivers Training and License fees. Most pay for insurance until the kid has moved out on his/her own. It varies in our family whether parents help out the kids with buying their first car. Often, one of the parents gets a new car and the kid inherits the old one. Once the kid has a part time job, they are expected to pay for their own gas and contribute to the upkeep of the car to some extent. NOTE: I live in a community where mass transit is not available. Driving is the only way to get anywhere.

 

[kimblebee]

For the record, we did pay for DD to get her permit, license, car, insurance, gas, etc

You certainly aren't obligated to pay.

My question is, will you allow DD to get her permit/license if she is willing to pay???
It seems like you simply don't want her to drive.

I absolutely will let her get her license. I have no problem with it. After she's had it for a while and has been out with my dad and brother I'll consider letting her try our car. I wouldn't feel comfortable with her driving it while she's brand new to driving though.

 

[bjscheel]

I absolutely will let her get her license. I have no problem with it. After she's had it for a while and has been out with my dad and brother I'll consider letting her try our car. I wouldn't feel comfortable with her driving it while she's brand new to driving though.

I know what you mean about that. DD18 learned at first on our SUV but we found an older pickup with low miles that we bought her. Problem is, it is rear wheel drive with a powerful engine. You needed to ease into the accelerator. Okay most of the time, and especially with some sand bags in the back, but horrible on snow. So in winter she drove her sister's Jeep with 4WD. We sent DD18 to college with a front wheel drive car and the pickup will be DH's beater truck.

DD16 is 5'1"/115 pounds and she loves driving her Jeep Liberty. It's compact, but sits up high so she feels like she can see. Perfect setup for a small person. On the flip side, DH has a giant Dodge Power Ram truck and the girls do not drive that! We especially would not use it for a new driver. I think it would be comical to see DD16 in it though!