My circumstances required that my DD be a competent driver at age 17. She would still only be 17 when she would be heading off to college - a 6 hour car ride away. Now I could have dropped her off at school in a uhaul and driven home, but then she would be more likely to be getting into cars with other young inexperienced drivers behind the wheels. That was the less optimal choice. I could have held onto her for another year before college, but what does that say about my confidence in her intelligence and maturity to handle life?
As it was, we embraced the whole car learning thing "full throttle". My brother is a car painter and mechanic. He had a '96 convertible mustang fall into his lap for a song when she was only 11, so he worked on it for those five years installing a roll bar (also prevents extra passengers in back!), giving it a custom paint job so EVERYONE would see her coming and avoid hitting her and got it running like new. In those five years my daughter saved and paid us for the car.
When she turned sixteen and a half she got her learners, passed with flying colors, and had lessons from me, my brother and her dad. Additionally, a course is required in our state and she signed up for that course. She was so disappointed at the lackluster teacher and kids buried in their phones during the class (that we paid $400 for) that she wrote the owner of the driver school a complaint letter. He was there the next day watching from the back of the class, a very nervous teacher that day...
After that first program AND 60 hours driving behind the wheel with us (required, BTW)... we signed her up for one more course. This one is free unless you are able to donate the $100 spot holding fee. THIS is my highest recommendation: B.R.A.K.E.S. a program designed by a race car driver who developed the program after losing his 15 and 17 year old sons in an auto accident. This course taught her the most valuable lesson: that SHE controls the car, not the other way around. They take you through a one day closed course program where you hydroplane, use the ABS brakes to the hilt, swerve on short notice and drive distracted among a dummy course in a safe area - usually a raceway closed for the program. It's priceless and the biggest reason I think my daughter has been 100% accident free for three years so far (knock on wood).
My suggestion for you is to ask yourself why you don't want her driving and whether it's a reason in her best interest or in yours. If you think she's not mature enough because she's buried in her phone and you know she'll text and drive, or maybe she doesn't sleep well and you don't think she'll be alert enough... those are valid reasons. I have a cousin who is 29 now and has essentially gone through a car a year due to prescription drug abuse and alcohol since she was 16... and her mother still buys her a car every year or so (don't get me started).
However, if it's because you're not ready let her go - I know there are parents out there, moms especially, who want their kids rooted at home ... forever. Or as long as they can keep them around because the only identity they have is Mom. That's not a good reason to keep her from testing her wings. As long as you're honest about why, explain it to her, determine who pays for what (my DD pays half her insurance unless she's in an accident then she gets to pay the whole thing) and set up a reasonable timetable for when she CAN get that permit, get those lessons and get her license you two should be reasonably on the same page. If not, eventually she may grow to resent the obstacles you set in her way.
And for any Disney (er, excuse me, Dreamworks!) lovers who want to know what my DD's first car looked like? My brother is amazing - it's even gone viral once or twice!!! Meet Toothless.... (She's since moved on to something that can hold her college studies equipment....)
