My soon to be 12 year old son wants the rainbow Magic Band for our upcoming trip. He likes that it is bright colored and fun and doesn't know the significance of the rainbow. My question is this.....I think and have thought for a while now that he may be gay and hasn't quite figured it out yet or isn't yet willing to say.
This may be contradictory to what everyone else has said, however, it's possible that he definitely knows what it means but maybe doesn't think YOU know what it means. He may just be saying he thinks it's brightly colored and fun to try to throw you off. He may want to wear it as he feels that Disney is a safe place and may be testing the waters to see how people react knowing that he'll never see any of those people again in his life.
My gut says get it, explain the context, and prepare him so that if someone says something idiotic, he is ready to ignore it or tell them to mind their own business. I'm just trying to be the best mom possible so I can protect and support my kid. Any advice and positive thoughts are welcome! TIA!
I think you should go with your gut. You know your child, you know your values and you know what is important, and that's to love your kid(s) no matter what.
I've never been a parent, but I have been a gay son. I don't have the right answers to this, but maybe it's better to break this out into different conversations, and maybe try to space them out. Not like - rainbows mean gay and gay is okay, but:
First, make sure he knows that you love him and support him no matter who he loves, and more importantly, that he can come to you with anything. 12-ish is a delicate age, and you have to figure out the right way to say that being gay is okay without giving him the impression that you think he may be gay. Implying anything can have a really negative reaction (though even if he got mad, he would probably be quick to come around if he knows you're supportive). Maybe find a pointed way to make note of someone on tv, a celebrity, a gay athelete, etc. and talk about how wonderful it is that they are in love and that everyone around them is so supportive, and how it's so great that they can come to their families and talk about it. The more often it casually comes up, the less "weird" it will be.
This may also be a great time to talk about how there are many people who don't agree with your standpoint and how some people may think negatively, and that those people are wrong. You can compare it to other things he may get flak for in life, or other things you may have experienced. People - especially teenagers, will always find something to make fun of. Whether it's rainbow accessories, actually being gay, wearing glasses, religion, politics - anything, how he handles it is key, and it's important he knows that some people belong in your life and some don't.
Finally, maybe as a part of this conversation, maybe at a different time, I'd maybe bring up the symbolism of the rainbow, you can talk about what it means and why it's important, and you can talk about how there are products that are marketed as an expression of pride, red white and blue products are sold around independence day and show pride in your country (if you're from the US, that is), bright green things are sold around St. Patrick's day and show pride in or support of Irish Heritage, rainbow products are sold to show pride in knowing that love is love and are most commonly worn by gay people, though that doesn't mean that all people wearing red white and blue are Americans, they just may like the color combination, and the same goes for rainbows.
That should be plenty, as long as he's clear on what the meaning is, then when it comes up at a later date - if you still have the time, "hey son, have you decided on what magic band you want? we have the rainbow one in our cart right now." He knows what it means, knows you're supportive and can make his decision with all the information.
Also, if he is gay or questioning, the amount of
positive attention that he will get from cast members will be so uplifting. SO uplifting, and it will help him to know that there are others around that are supportive - I don't mean anything inappropriate, but he'll hear a lot of "I like your magic band" (I hear a lot of that when I carry my rainbow mickey phone case, and it's just spreading happiness). You can even encourage him to compliment other people's rainbow magic bands, or hats, or pins or tshirts.
I meant for this to be a very short post but I guess I had a lot more to say than I thought. Sorry for rambling and thanks for reading. To sum up:
He may know what it means and think that you don't. Explain that you do and/or teach him, and make it positive.
The most important thing is that you're supportive. You sound like a good mom.
I realize after writing this whole thing that you posted like 9 months ago and have already definitely figured out what you were going to do. How did it go?