I have been doing administrative stuff this week, seeing the attorney, contacting benefits places for the financial matters. Just not what I want to have to do. I also saw the therapist yesterday and began the process of trying to get through this major change in my life. I miss DH like crazy and talk to him all the time. I went back to the house today by myself for the first time since he passed at the house. I was OK while I kept busy but as soon as I was done the tears came. I would really like to be able to spend some nights at the house but I am not sure I can at this point. I just don't have the strength right now. I can't say the days are getting better as I wake up and wonder how I am going to make it through the day. I can't even think about when I will be ready to go back to work. I appreciate all the care and concern here. Thank you.
I have been doing administrative stuff this week, seeing the attorney, contacting benefits places for the financial matters. Just not what I want to have to do. I also saw the therapist yesterday and began the process of trying to get through this major change in my life. I miss DH like crazy and talk to him all the time. I went back to the house today by myself for the first time since he passed at the house. I was OK while I kept busy but as soon as I was done the tears came. I would really like to be able to spend some nights at the house but I am not sure I can at this point. I just don't have the strength right now. I can't say the days are getting better as I wake up and wonder how I am going to make it through the day. I can't even think about when I will be ready to go back to work. I appreciate all the care and concern here. Thank you.
We continue to clean out the house. I have gone 2 days this week by myself. Not easy. I can stay there up to 2 hours then my anxiety takes over, I cry, and I leave. But it is 2 hours of much needed cleaning out. I wonder if I will ever be able to stay in the house overnight. My kids tell me it doesn't matter but I do feel like it does. Do I try to stay in the house where Chris and I lived or sell it and buy something smaller and easy to care for, like a condo. It is all part of my indecisiveness right now.
I'm sorry for your loss. My dad passed away 2 years ago. The practical stuff like banking, social security, bills, insurance, changing names on utilities and dealing with a leased vehicle was beyond hard on my mom, despite us helping her all the way. From our experience, the 3 month mark was when things eased up on that front. I hope you get some relief from those worries soon.Thanks Christine. I hear what you are saying and I am truly not making a rush decision. I have it in my mind to wait until the clean up is done in the house. It will take months as DH saved everything including receipts from 20 years ago. I found a bag full last weekend. Crazy, I know, but that is the way he was. It will most likely be late Spring before we are ready to decide what to do. Once the house is clean I will take a look at everything and look at my options. By then I may want to stay in the house to see if I am able to or if it is still too difficult. Since some days now I can't even decide what to eat for breakfast I don't want to make a wrong decision right now. My 2 sons and I go clean up the house one weekend day each week and I go 2-3 weekdays for about 2 hours. Once I go back to work it won't be during the week much if at all. I really appreciate your post as it shows how much you do need to wait to make decisions when grieving.
I am so sorry for your loss. Three weeks isn't very long to process what you are going through. Regarding ever living back in your home, do you have another bedroom to sleep in? . Since my Dad died over 5 years ago my Mom has slept in my Sister's old bedroom. My Dad's death wasn't a sudden shock ( they were both in their 80s) but my Mom still can't sleep in their bedroom. Please take your time to grieve and live with your "new normal". Same goes for your Children .Barb I loved your post because it said so much that spoke to me. Thank you for sharing your experience and journey through the past year and a half. Each day seems more difficult to me now. When someone tells me that it should be getting easier now and am I over it, I just get so angry and so sad that they do not seem to understand the magnitude of what happened. It has only been a little more than 3 weeks for me so it is very raw and very very emotional. My therapist has been very helpful telling me that this is a process and there is no right way to feel while going through the trauma and the grief. Every one is different. I too feel that I cannot live in the house without DH. I may find I change my mind once we clean it out and get it ready to sell but I doubt it. Your post gives me hope that some day I will be able to think of good memories of Chris and smile or even cry a bit when I think of them. Thank you.