Invited My Wife's Brother and His Family and... Crickets

[Jack Kerouac]

My wife's brother and his family live sixteen hours away from us. Since having kids, they no longer travel to see his parents (or us, as we live about ten minutes from them). We last visited them in 2016 when our oldest and their oldest were 16 months and three months, respectively. My wife is eager to have our boys see/meet their cousins. Usually around the beginning of the year, she brings up the idea of traveling to see them during our boys' spring break and I would stay home due to tax season. I'm hesitant to have her drive that far alone and because previous visits have not gone well. I also want them to have some skin in the game as well. Since buying DVC late last year, we have discussed from time to time the idea of inviting her brother and his family to join us in WDW in May/June 2024 once school gets out.

Back in March, my wife got the courage to email them and invite them. We told them we would cover their stay with our DVC points, they would have to cover the other expenses, WDW can be expensive, it requires a lot of planning, etc. About a month went by and we never heard from them. Last week, I finally just texted him and asked, "Did you and your wife get an email from my wife?" He replied, "About the vacation? Yeah." He then followed that up with saying he and his wife hadn't really talked about the invite but he didn't see why they couldn't go. We've heard nothing else from them.

We plan to go even if they opt out, but we would plan our trip differently (longer and with a split stay) if they do not join us. The 11 month mark is next month, which I plan on booking the home resort (Poly) portion of the trip at that time. I don't really want to give them a deadline of 11 months out, but I also don't want to find out at six months that they want to join us.

Any suggestions on how to proceed?

 

[Sandisw]

When I decide to invite a group, I decide from the start to be okay with the way I need to book the room, even if they bail at last minute.

This may mean a larger room than needed, or, if I want downsize if they change their minds, being okay not getting to stay at my resort of choice

By doing it this way, I can’t be disappointed or upset because WDW is expensive and things happen.

 

[J-Dog]

Yeah, we kind of do what Sandi does.

Apparently, our family is a bunch of flakes, so we are at the point that we book a 2BR, and basically tell them "We've got the lodging paid for, so you can either show-up, or don't". If they don't, then we have plenty of room for ourselves...

 

[Micca]

Wow, I'm seeing this a couple of different ways..maybe more.

An offer to provide accommodations for a WDW vacation is incredibly generous. Do they realize this? That the rooms you'll have have a value of hundreds of dollars a night and often sell out?

Back in March, my wife got the courage to email them and invite them. We told them we would cover their stay with our DVC points, they would have to cover the other expenses, WDW can be expensive, it requires a lot of planning, etc. About a month went by and we never heard from them. Last week, I finally just texted him and asked, "Did you and your wife get an email from my wife?" He replied, "About the vacation? Yeah." He then followed that up with saying he and his wife hadn't really talked about the invite but he didn't see why they couldn't go. We've heard nothing else from them.

"Don't see why we couldn't go???" Sounds like he's pretty non-plussed about the potential trip, you sure you wanna spend precious WDW time and DVC points with this group? I also can't understand why your wife had to work up the courage to email and invite her brother on a nice trip? What's up with that?

Also unsure about your hesitation to let him know about the deadline for booking. It not your rule, it's a DVC rule.

Maybe I'm just misunderstanding, but it sounds like he's just not that interested(and that's ok, WDW vacations aren't for everyone.)

 

[Jack Kerouac]

Wow, I'm seeing this a couple of different ways..maybe more.

An offer to provide accommodations for a WDW vacation is incredibly generous. Do they realize this? That the rooms you'll have have a value of hundreds of dollars a night and often sell out?



"Don't see why we couldn't go???" Sounds like he's pretty non-plussed about the potential trip, you sure you wanna spend precious WDW time and DVC points with this group? I also can't understand why your wife had to work up the courage to email and invite her brother on a nice trip? What's up with that?

Also unsure about your hesitation to let him know about the deadline for booking. It not your rule, it's a DVC rule.

Maybe I'm just misunderstanding, but it sounds like he's just not that interested(and that's ok, WDW vacations aren't for everyone.)

I don't think he realizes the cost of the rooms, as my wife's parents never did a WDW vacation when she was growing up, nor have they done any research about WDW that I know of. I do know the last vacation my brother-in-law and his wife took was their honeymoon about twelve years ago.

I'm on the fence about having them join us, since they are really not people I would ever want to travel with. But my wife really wants this and our boys have asked if they can meet their cousins. So it's more of a gift for them, if that makes sense. I think my wife was nervous about sending the invite because she wants to see them, but they have made zero effort at all to see us or his parents (and they are getting older and have had health issues lately) since having kids. I think she might also be hurt that he is unwilling to see her and our boys, even to the point of turning down a free WDW stay.

About the deadline, I guess I just don't want them to feel like we forced them to do this. I know this is something they are going to have to want. I can't want it for them.

 

[2Lunds]

Having just gifted a pair of DVC trips to friends/family - I can say with confidence that almost nobody understands how much planning is required for WDW, and how far in advance that planning must be. I suggest sending them a (short) email letting them know that there is a hard deadline to book the rooms, and if they're really interested, schedule a phone call or Zoom etc... to discuss. You'll get so bogged down with emails back and forth, and it's hard to gauge emotions via email as well.

 

[chuff88]

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but regardless of if they understand how much you're offering to save them by covering the hotel with your DVC I just find their complete lack of interest or response to be incredibly off-putting. I understand your wife wanting your kids to meet their cousins, but these do not sound like people I would want to travel with.

I hope you and your family have a great time at WDW (as a VERY recent DVC owner I'm jealous of your home resort), and frankly I wouldn't push the issue with your brother-in-law. At this point I'd say the ball is firmly in their court.

 

[2Lunds]

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but regardless of if they understand how much you're offering to save them by covering the hotel with your DVC I just find their complete lack of interest or response to be incredibly off-putting. I understand your wife wanting your kids to meet their cousins, but these do not sound like people I would want to travel with.

I hope you and your family have a great time at WDW (as a VERY recent DVC owner I'm jealous of your home resort), and frankly I wouldn't push the issue with your brother-in-law. At this point I'd say the ball is firmly in their court.

I worry that if OP leaves it up to them to make the next move, and they don't understand the issue of timing, that they may assume they can join last-minute, and that will cause further friction.

 

[chuff88]

I worry that if OP leaves it up to them to make the next move, and they don't understand the issue of timing, that they may assume they can join last-minute, and that will cause further friction.

I definitely agree, and it's a tricky situation. I guess I just feel like if I invited family (or close friends, for that matter) on a nice vacation and they didn't even reply to the initial contact (and only kind of replied to a follow-up) I wouldn't feel particularly inclined to put in a lot of effort.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Here's the thing - WDW is still incredibly expensive, even with a free hotel. The family just may not have the funds for that kind of travel expense or want to use their scarce funds on that type of travel.

It happens. I have a family member who had kids and no longer had the time or funds to travel. So, if I wanted to see him, I had to do it with my own kids in tow. I did do it over the years, although not as many times as I might have liked, and Covid actually gave us the incentive to find a monthly "online" visit that has helped us get closer without either of us having to endure the time and expense of moving big families to places where they have to find hotels just to see you.

 

[snikki]

I don’t think it’s so much that they don’t want to go to Disney or don’t understand the value of the points or the planning involved. I think they just aren’t interested in being with or around their family. They’ve made that blatantly clear since you haven’t seen them since 2016 and they don’t come to visit.

I would reach out once more explaining that you have to book at the 11 month mark and throw in some details. If you don’t hear back just plan on going without them.

 

[DeeBee3]

I would definitely say no based on your description of the situation.

 

[FinnFogg]

OMG - I can relate!!!

Back in January we invited my husbands sister (and her family) and brother (and his family) to join us at Aulani for a 12 night stay this coming Xmas. We would leave on Boxing Day, and return right before the kids go back to school. All have school age children that would really enjoy hanging out together at Aulani. We booked a two bedroom villa for our family (with extra space for cousins to bunk if they want) and two separate DVC hotel rooms (very hard to get at Xmas)…one for each of them so their families would have their own home base. We offered the rooms, transportation (we’ve booked a transit van), a fully stocked (from Costco) kitchen and bar in our 2 bedroom that they are able to use anytime and excursions for the kids. All they have to pay for is flights and any meals that they choose to eat out.

Crickets. Compete and utter silence.

The booking window opened and since I had already extended the invite, I booked the rooms. I’m currently tying up almost 3 years of points holding these 3 rooms and everyone is still unwilling to commit. And it’s not like we never we talk! But everytime we do and bring up the trip it’s “we really haven’t had time to discuss it as a family”. I’ve tried to be patient, but it’s been almost 4 months!!!! and there are really other things that I would like to be doing with my points if they don’t want to come.

I sent them both a note last week letting them know that I really my need to know by May 15th whether they want to come (which is true because I need the points for something else then if they don’t want them), so to please let me know as soon as they can. No response/acknowledgment from either of them to my emails.

 

[SL6827]

Would be no crickets from me.

 

[sndral]

A couple of years ago I invited my brother & his wife to join us at WDW & they accepted so I booked a 2 br. at 11 months for early Dec., fast forward several months, after my banking deadline had passed & availability was zilch, he texted me to say they’d changed their minds & couldn’t make it. This is a brother whom I do see & try to get along w/ & who loves Disney & in the past our extended family did annual trips to DL for many years.
While it’s understandable to want to reconnect, I think WDW may be too much too soon. There are so many stressors built into a WDW trip even in groups that know each other well & have traveled together before. Plus it’s expensive, even w/ lodging paid for. I’d text & let them know that you need a firm yes or no by June 15 (or whatever date) & if they can’t make it this year maybe in the future & meanwhile why not get the kids together at your house for a barbecue this summer so the cousins can meet. I’m a firm believer in allowing someone a graceful way to say no if they aren’t comfortable w/ a plan.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

Having just gifted a pair of DVC trips to friends/family - I can say with confidence that almost nobody understands how much planning is required for WDW, and how far in advance that planning must be. I suggest sending them a (short) email letting them know that there is a hard deadline to book the rooms, and if they're really interested, schedule a phone call or Zoom etc... to discuss. You'll get so bogged down with emails back and forth, and it's hard to gauge emotions via email as well.

My wife and I talked about setting up a phone call with them when we hear they are interested. Knowing his personality and his lack of experience with WDW or anything like it, he probably doesn't really know what questions to ask. We went in April 2022 with my parents and I did not know how much planning was required, nor did I feel like it was my place to plan it since it was my parents treating us. Most expensive free trip ever, as we decided to buy DVC later that year because we loved the trip so much. I've been planning our August 2023 trip since December and I've learned a lot, but I continually find that I need to learn more when I'm on here.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

Would be no crickets from me.

I didn't expect an email back that same night or even a day later. But I figured within a week or so I would have heard something. We'll see...

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

Take my answer with a grain of salt because seriously I know none of you and it's not my business. But you posted so here goes:
It seems like your wife wants the family connections between the kids. I understand this as I also am someone who trys to make these things happen for my own grandson. ( who has no siblings and no first cousins)
BUT, to do this, arrange for this at WDW, that is a disaster waiting to occur. Expectations will be high and easily crushed!
If $$ is not an option on your end , travel to them, stay in the nicest hotel or resort in their area, spend 3 days, plan outings where it's geared towards the kids and be done.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

A couple of years ago I invited my brother & his wife to join us at WDW & they accepted so I booked a 2 br. at 11 months for early Dec., fast forward several months, after my banking deadline had passed & availability was zilch, he texted me to say they’d changed their minds & couldn’t make it. This is a brother whom I do see & try to get along w/ & who loves Disney & in the past our extended family did annual trips to DL for many years.
While it’s understandable to want to reconnect, I think WDW may be too much too soon. There are so many stressors built into a WDW trip even in groups that know each other well & have traveled together before. Plus it’s expensive, even w/ lodging paid for. I’d text & let them know that you need a firm yes or no by June 15 (or whatever date) & if they can’t make it this year maybe in the future & meanwhile why not get the kids together at your house for a barbecue this summer so the cousins can meet. I’m a firm believer in allowing someone a graceful way to say no if they aren’t comfortable w/ a plan.

Financials could be a part of it, especially if you are someone who doesn't vacation and then are offered a free stay, but you're staring at $6,000+ between airfare, tickets, food, and souvenirs. I do know they do quite well, as he works in IT and she's a teacher. I would think that their income is around ours or possibly more since my wife has a part-time passion job at a local library.

We have mentioned finding a resort half-way and meeting for a long weekend, which they showed interest in doing. So there are some less stressful ways of getting together.

 

[lilsonicfan]

I agree with Forevermarypoppins. If you can plan a trip to where the brother and family are, and stay in a hotel there and suggest hey, let's get together (while also setting your own expectations low in case they really actually just don't want to connect/reconnect with family). WDW is a big venture. I would guess that most people aren't even remotely aware of the potential costs and would shudder to hear about even a fraction of the planning that the DVC crowd does. Planning a vacation 11 months ahead? That would blow the minds of most people in my friend group.

I think it's a really nice offer, but I think given how much they don't really know, you're probably just asking for a level of stress and uncertainty you just don't really need.

@FinnFogg - I would not even bother writing to these people even one more time. I am certain they don't know about how many points this is costing you, or the value of those points, or the fact that you could do something different with those points. I think it's crazy they haven't responded, although perhaps there's a chance they feel nervous to tell you that flights to Hawaii the week of Christmas are just not affordable for them. In any event, May 15 seems perfectly reasonable for you to just move on.