How to get your spouse on board with a vacation

[kathy884]

Do you have yours, mine, and ours money? And do you have a budget for the ours money? For us, a budget is key. There is a certain amount of money that we put into a vacation fund every month, and I'm the major vacation planner. Having a budget, though, means everything else has its priority too. I love the vacation budget though -- as vacations are frivilous and fun and one of our very few budget items that is not super practical. I check what DH and others might like to do too. // If DS and I are keen on a particular vacation that he doesn't want to do, he is fine with our going without him. I do, though, try to do at least one trip a year that we will all enjoy. // I know the ours budget is what let's us take bigger trips. The yours, mine, and ours money, though, would give me the flexibility to do a long weekend get-a-way on my own or with my son too. // We put $600 a month into the vacation budget for our family of three. That is enough for one exotic week long trip a year or two more modest week long trips a year. And if we want to do more vacation than we have budgeted, we sometimes will put bonus money or extra money we individually have left over after monthly budget and spending in there.

 

[eeyore45]

I'm not there yet. I guess I just need to remind him about taking time.




He works 5 minutes from home, 8-4 Monday to Friday. No travel at all. And it's not just Disney that he doesn't want to do - he doesn't want to spend money on ANY vacation. Not the GWL 75 minutes away from home. Not a long weekend in Toronto. It's a fight I only win every couple of years to go to the Toronto zoo (an hour from home) for the day.

ouch - that has to hurt, you do want family time - and to have a partner to help through the zoo, or the GWL, that's family time... good luck, it sounds like some people just don't change, so you have to decide if you can handle packing up the 4 kids and heading to GWL, I'll bet the kids will love it!

 

[StitchBuddy]

My DH is just the opposite and that can be problematic too. He is a consultant, so he gets paid when he works. The current business he consults for is closed during Christmas for a week and over July 4th for a week. Of course those aren't good times for us to travel due to DD's sports. Plus, she/we travel for that and my DH loves to go hunting. Between all this he ends up taking about 6 weeks off a year. Yes, that's six weeks without pay. Aggrivates me to no end!!! I would really like to go on a mother and daughter trip. He would never allow that, even though he goes hunting twice a year without us. He thinks he has to go everywhere with us.

 

[lauradis]

I'm not there yet. I guess I just need to remind him about taking time.




He works 5 minutes from home, 8-4 Monday to Friday. No travel at all. And it's not just Disney that he doesn't want to do - he doesn't want to spend money on ANY vacation. Not the GWL 75 minutes away from home. Not a long weekend in Toronto. It's a fight I only win every couple of years to go to the Toronto zoo (an hour from home) for the day.

I wouldn't fight about it any more, I really would just tell him Saturday May 2 round 9 am, me and the children are going to the zoo we would love for you to come. If not well will back before 10 pm. Repeat rinse and increase your little get away to bigger ones. Nice polite. He might surprise you and say yes, without the *****ing at him. Then again he might just be an odd ball and love being a home body which is fine. Really its his loss of not seeing the kids faces over the monkeys, etc. I wouldn't dwell on it or make him feel bad over it as long as he is a good husband and dad most of the time.

But if he wouldn't allow you to spend money on these things then you have a serious relationship problem, unless you really can't afford to go to the zoo or other places.

 

[TwoMisfits]

I would tell him it's a priority for you and your happiness. You want family time and family memories and the kids aren't getting any younger. If he won't do it for you, I'd see about hiring a babysitter to come with you for the 2 day GWL trip.

 

[allybabba98]

That is tough. So even renting a cottage at Port Dover he would be against? Although that means you are still cooking and cleaning somewhat. Hmmm...I think I agree with a lot of posters here, do something you want to do but not with him, although I realize that sounds really harsh. What about getting the CityPass for Toronto that would save a lot of money and get you into a number of attractions. The Delta Toronto East has a waterslide so the kids might like that. As others have said what about including another adult (grandparent, aunt) as the second adult therefore you have assistance? Good luck.

 

[kymom99]

There's definitely some of that playing into it. He will not fly.

Traveling with 4 kids between 2 and 9 by myself doesn't feel like much of a vacation either. Leaving some of them behind and only taking one or two isn't an option - I only work part time so we can not pay daycare. The ages of the kids and lack of daycare mean unless I go with all of them, I can't go.

Can you ask someone to go along? Grandma, sister, and older teen?

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Well....have you told your DH, "Look I need a vacation. A real one. I will take it with you, or without you. Your choice."

Luckily my DH loves travel as much as I do, but if he didn't, it would be an, "Okay Bye!" type situation.

 

[JanaDee]

The way I get dh on board? When its all booked and paid for, I tell him "we are going to xxx on xyz dates. You will need to be off work those days". He sqawks a little but enjoys the trip. he doesn't ever want to discuss the plans for some reason. I think if I say "HEY we can get a room at xxx for $xx!" He has to think about how much each thing costs, if I just tell him we are going, he can pretend its much cheaper. I don't know, it doesn't make sense to me, but it works.

LOL I would never be so presumptuous to book something and then tell my DH he "will need to be off work" on certain days for vacation. His work schedule/load doesn't allow that type of "announcements" from me.

 

[luvsJack]

LOL I would never be so presumptuous to book something and then tell my DH he "will need to be off work" on certain days for vacation. His work schedule/load doesn't allow that type of "announcements" from me.

Lol. Yeah, I guess I am lucky that way. I have to schedule my time off but he owns his truck so he just has to tell the dispatcher to get him home on a certain day and not book him any loads for the next however many days.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I feel for you. My husband loves to vacation (a little too much sometimes...), but my MIL is in the same position as you. My FIL loves his house and thinks that being at home is a vacation for him. They live in a huge house on the water, but she (my MIL) is the one that takes care of all of it. Two years ago, she made a New Years resolution to travel somewhere once a month for a long weekend with friends. She continues to do this now since she has enjoyed it so much. My husband and I joke that she probably has a husband somewhere else that she visits now lol. I know she wishes her husband would go with her, but he just isn't into it. My husband and I paid for them to go on a two week cruise last fall and my FIL pretty much stayed in their room the whole time and my MIL hung out with us or read books by the pool. I was a little afraid my husband wasn't going to like to vacation before we got married since his childhood was pretty vacation-less, but thankfully it's not the case. I hope your situation improves, OP, or you find a compromise that works for you!

 

[SEA333]

There's definitely some of that playing into it. He will not fly.

Traveling with 4 kids between 2 and 9 by myself doesn't feel like much of a vacation either. Leaving some of them behind and only taking one or two isn't an option - I only work part time so we can not pay daycare. The ages of the kids and lack of daycare mean unless I go with all of them, I can't go.

I get it...it's no fun always having to be the mom (meaning babysitter, cleaner, cook, etc) but would you really NOT vacation with your kids because of it? I have three (the youngest two are 19 months apart), so I went through the hard years when they were little without DH most of the time because he was working out of state. DD was around 3-4 and DS was 2- 21/2. Older DS was 8-9. I spent every non-school minute with all three of them because I worked from home and we didn't do daycare. The kids and I travelled together several times alone. Even though I still had to be the mom (who never REALLY gets a vacation, no matter what, if the kids are around), it was much more fun being the mom on vacation than being the mom with three bored kids at home doing the same old boring stuff. I never really found my "mom" workload lightened when my DH was with us anyway...and honestly it was a little easier at times not to have him with us because I got to make all of the decisions of where to eat, what to do, and when to sleep, with the kids, which was kind of nice. We did a lot of things that DH probably wouldn't have wanted to do and the trips became more kid-led than they would have been otherwise.

Does your husband feel the same way as you - that a vacation doesn't really feel like a vacation since you have kids and they are hard work even when away? Maybe he doesn't want to spend the money on a trip if it's going to be the same old routines? Some people on vacation stil put their kids to bed at the normal 7pm, sit in the dark in the hotel room, and whisper. That doesn't sound like a very fun vacation to me, and I know I wouldn't want to pay for it! Maybe that is what your DH is envisioning.

I'd suggest starting off with a suggestion of an overnight trip for the two of you!

 

[lauradis]

I'd suggest starting off with a suggestion of an overnight trip for the two of you!

I love this idea. Surely you can find someone to watch the kids for friday and saturday night.

Run away with your husband.

 

[stayhomemom77]

How many times have you tried to talk to him about this? It sounds as though he doesn't see any value in travel and vacations except for heading up to the cottage. You need to help him see that there is value in vacationing beyond the financial investment.

I think the only way you are really going to be able to convince him is to talk to him about your feelings. You are the only one who knows what is important to him...what buttons to push. If the money part of it is a problem, you have to sell it using a different angle.

For example, my husband finds it easy to say no to me sometimes but he would crawl across broken glass to gratify the slightest wish of one of our kids. If I want something I know they will also want (Disney), we get a proposal together (ie the outline of a trip) and I get the kids to sell him on it. He never says no to them if he can help it!! However, if I were to bring it up, it would be a whole different scenario. LOL It may seem a bit sneaky, but it's not as if he doesn't have an amazing time on vacation...even if it IS at Disney.

Is he the intellectual type? See what you can find on the internet in the way of statistics that state that family vacations are beneficial for (your) mental health and that they strengthen family ties. I'm sure something like that must be true. Maybe that would nudge him in the right direction?

Have you thought about talking to your inlaws to see if they can shed any light on the reasons why he is so reluctant? If you know exactly what the problem(s) is/are you'd be better set up to address them. Is there any chance they might be willing to advocate on your behalf? Sometimes having someone OTHER than your spouse urging you to do something spurs people to action.

Good luck!! I hope it works out for you.