sam_gordon
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2010
I live in KY
My sister lives in IN
My parents are in FL
His sisters are in NV and CA
In April, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. A lot happened since then that I won't go into detail right now, but he had his first chemo three weeks ago. Two weeks ago, he couldn't catch his breath, my mom called 911 and had him taken to the hospital. We could tell through text messages that she was overwhelmed. I flew down the next day to do what I can.
They moved him from the local hospital to Moffit in Tampa. My mom and I sat with him every day, driving back and forth (they live in Poinciana). I found out then the cancer was Stage 4 (mom and dad knew in April but elected not to tell us kids) and had mestasised to the brain. They started his radiation, and added some to the lungs (was supposed to start the day he went into the local hospital), tried a broncoscopy, but couldn't do much. They suggested waiting for the radiation treatments to finish and they'll try another broncoscopy in a couple weeks. My mom told me to fly back home, so I bought my ticket for this past Saturday (I was there for a week) and of course they release him that day.
Mom had trouble taking care of him at home and arranged for a nurse to come help. While he's had good days and bad days this week, now mom is saying he is being rude and mean to the nurses. One supposedly said she doesn't know if she's willing to come back and she feels sorry for my mom.
Mom has said he has episodes (maybe 1-2 over the last 10 years) where he's been mean (verbally) to her in the past, and I actually saw one while we were in the hospital. But they're apparently getting more frequent. From what I can tell, this is not unusual for cancer patients, and can also be brought on by the radiation.
Mom's sister is supposed to go for a visit in a couple weeks. I don't know what to do.
Adding to the mix is we created a group text while he was in the hospital. His sisters, mom's sister, me, my sister, and our spouses. Mom is updating us about his "mean streak" and one of his sisters responds to everything, trying to offer suggestions "tell him he can't act like that" (that helps a lot </sarcasm>). I'm regretting setting up the group text, but it made sense at the time.
Anyway, I don't know what to do to help. I told Mom to find a support group in their community (they're in a retirement community), but I don't know if she'll go or not.
Part of me wants to go back down there, but I have work and family commitments here. I don't know that I'd be any help.
If you've read this far, thank you. If you have any suggestions on what to say/do, even more thanks. DW & I have talked (naturally), but we're not the ones directly affected (Dad's the one who's sick, mom is the one caring for him).
I just don't know what to do.
My sister lives in IN
My parents are in FL
His sisters are in NV and CA
In April, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. A lot happened since then that I won't go into detail right now, but he had his first chemo three weeks ago. Two weeks ago, he couldn't catch his breath, my mom called 911 and had him taken to the hospital. We could tell through text messages that she was overwhelmed. I flew down the next day to do what I can.
They moved him from the local hospital to Moffit in Tampa. My mom and I sat with him every day, driving back and forth (they live in Poinciana). I found out then the cancer was Stage 4 (mom and dad knew in April but elected not to tell us kids) and had mestasised to the brain. They started his radiation, and added some to the lungs (was supposed to start the day he went into the local hospital), tried a broncoscopy, but couldn't do much. They suggested waiting for the radiation treatments to finish and they'll try another broncoscopy in a couple weeks. My mom told me to fly back home, so I bought my ticket for this past Saturday (I was there for a week) and of course they release him that day.
Mom had trouble taking care of him at home and arranged for a nurse to come help. While he's had good days and bad days this week, now mom is saying he is being rude and mean to the nurses. One supposedly said she doesn't know if she's willing to come back and she feels sorry for my mom.
Mom has said he has episodes (maybe 1-2 over the last 10 years) where he's been mean (verbally) to her in the past, and I actually saw one while we were in the hospital. But they're apparently getting more frequent. From what I can tell, this is not unusual for cancer patients, and can also be brought on by the radiation.
Mom's sister is supposed to go for a visit in a couple weeks. I don't know what to do.
Adding to the mix is we created a group text while he was in the hospital. His sisters, mom's sister, me, my sister, and our spouses. Mom is updating us about his "mean streak" and one of his sisters responds to everything, trying to offer suggestions "tell him he can't act like that" (that helps a lot </sarcasm>). I'm regretting setting up the group text, but it made sense at the time.
Anyway, I don't know what to do to help. I told Mom to find a support group in their community (they're in a retirement community), but I don't know if she'll go or not.
Part of me wants to go back down there, but I have work and family commitments here. I don't know that I'd be any help.
If you've read this far, thank you. If you have any suggestions on what to say/do, even more thanks. DW & I have talked (naturally), but we're not the ones directly affected (Dad's the one who's sick, mom is the one caring for him).
I just don't know what to do.