Neesy228
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2008
I'm not really looking for sympathy or even a response - honestly. I think I just need to write this down somewhere, and since these boards are my "online home" I figured this is as good as any.
I found out today that my biological father died in October of last year at the age of 60. He and I didn't have a relationship - obviously....since I'm just finding out he died 4+ months later.
He stopped coming to visit me when I was around 5 or 6 and I have very few memories of him -- and those that I do have are not positive. He was a heavy drinker and smoker and had much better things to do than be a father. Men like that rank pretty low on my "people I want to be around" meter. Over the years, I had made my own decision to keep my distance.
After I had children, I sometimes wondered if he had matured enough to deserve a place in my life - and especially my children's lives - but I never felt a strong desire to reconnect with him. So, I left well enough alone.
My MIL often talked to me about finding him and going to talk to him at least once - even if it was just to gather health information - and I always shrugged her off with a "I don't want any added complication to my life. I don't like drama." Well, SHE passed away in December and so many of our conversations have been running through my head lately....and today, as I was thinking about those conversations - I googled his name. And his obit came up.
I wasn't named in the obit as one of his children, which isn't surprising. He was on his third wife and had 5 other children with two other women since he had me. It's possible that his last wife didn't even know I existed. My mother has been virtually hovering over me all day - calling, texting. My aunts have called. I think that they're worried I'm going to be devastated, but I didn't even know him. I guess what I feel is just disappointment. I'm old enough to realize that you can't change people, but it makes me sad that he chose the path he did and never wavered. He missed out...not only on me, but on my children.
The men in my life are all truly loving, caring and involved fathers...and those are the men that I so respect, love and adore. So, maybe I owe him a thank you for showing me what I didn't want for my own life. I hope he's found peace - wherever he ended up.
I found out today that my biological father died in October of last year at the age of 60. He and I didn't have a relationship - obviously....since I'm just finding out he died 4+ months later.
He stopped coming to visit me when I was around 5 or 6 and I have very few memories of him -- and those that I do have are not positive. He was a heavy drinker and smoker and had much better things to do than be a father. Men like that rank pretty low on my "people I want to be around" meter. Over the years, I had made my own decision to keep my distance.
After I had children, I sometimes wondered if he had matured enough to deserve a place in my life - and especially my children's lives - but I never felt a strong desire to reconnect with him. So, I left well enough alone.
My MIL often talked to me about finding him and going to talk to him at least once - even if it was just to gather health information - and I always shrugged her off with a "I don't want any added complication to my life. I don't like drama." Well, SHE passed away in December and so many of our conversations have been running through my head lately....and today, as I was thinking about those conversations - I googled his name. And his obit came up.
I wasn't named in the obit as one of his children, which isn't surprising. He was on his third wife and had 5 other children with two other women since he had me. It's possible that his last wife didn't even know I existed. My mother has been virtually hovering over me all day - calling, texting. My aunts have called. I think that they're worried I'm going to be devastated, but I didn't even know him. I guess what I feel is just disappointment. I'm old enough to realize that you can't change people, but it makes me sad that he chose the path he did and never wavered. He missed out...not only on me, but on my children.
The men in my life are all truly loving, caring and involved fathers...and those are the men that I so respect, love and adore. So, maybe I owe him a thank you for showing me what I didn't want for my own life. I hope he's found peace - wherever he ended up.
Last edited: