Hello, I have read through the entire thread. I have a heavy heart ❤ for you, what you have lost, what you are going through. I sadly know loss (es), what they can do.
We have no power to change yesterday, the day before, we can only start each day new. I wish for you the strength to start a new chapter today, for all the tomorrow’s that are coming. My daughter took her life 3 years ago this week at 18, that will never change. That is her in my avatar. I know not your struggle, because being raised my an alcoholic father, I just could never go there, but I know struggling to survive.
What I want to say is YOU MATTER, you are enough, and you have a friend in me. You want to reach out, please do it. But know again YOU MATTER. You are loved.