Invited My Wife's Brother and His Family and... Crickets

[starry_solo]

Honestly, I wouldn't plan on them being there.
A free room, while nice, puts a burden on them for the cost of everything else - transportation, theme park tickets, food, etc.

If you and your in-laws want to have a relationship with them, is there something that is near where they live that you would go visit and then see them while you're there?

 

[Jack Kerouac]

Honestly, I wouldn't plan on them being there.
A free room, while nice, puts a burden on them for the cost of everything else - transportation, theme park tickets, food, etc.

If you and your in-laws want to have a relationship with them, is there something that is near where they live that you would go visit and then see them while you're there?

You are right about the cost burden. If we knew they could not cover the cost financially, we would be willing to help. But it is probably a cost they don't want to prioritize. Whereas, COVID broke me and I went from super saver to now I want to provide my kids with experiences (albeit we still save a lot for retirement, college, etc.) while they are still young.

If this doesn't work out, I think we will just have to plan a smaller trip where we either travel near them and stop in for a day or two, or meet halfway and spend a long weekend together.

 

[intamin]

IMO I'd just book the full length trip AKA what's best for my family and if they decided they want to go, I'd try and see what's available then. If it's not available to accommodate them oh well. They've already shown you how interested they are in going by not saying anything for a month, they're obviously not worth bending backwards for from a planning stand point. Especially if they're relatives you don't particularly get along with.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

IMO I'd just book the full length trip AKA what's best for my family and if they decided they want to go, I'd try and see what's available then. If it's not available to accommodate them oh well. They've already shown you how interested they are in going by not saying anything for a month, they're obviously not worth bending backwards for from a planning stand point. Especially if they're relatives you don't particularly get along with.

Between you and me (and everyone else who has replied) I think this is they way forward for us. I'm just going to book our vacation the way I want and if they say something at some point, I will work to accommodate them.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I might be the outlier here but TBH I'm not sure why the invite was extended anyways.

1) WDW or Disney in general isn't everyone's thing so you'd have to rely on these people, whom you don't have a strong connection with, to agree to go to a place that they need to likely be very interested in going to in the first place not to mention have the time to take off, the energy to do especially with young enough kids, the finances to afford all the other things (and tickets are so expensive just on their own never mind the food, the merch, Genie+/ILL, etc).

2) So many people express here going with families is usually a herculean effort much less a portion of the family you don't have a close connection with.

3) from your standpoint you're disappointed at the lack of their interest/communication but I would have taken their lack of initial response for that extended period of time that they were not interested and likely wouldn't have prodded further. Last time you saw them was potentially up to 6 years ago depending on when in 2016. Coming at it from having estranged family members it wouldn't occur to me if trying to build back that bridge to do a grand vacation where it tries even the most patient people and can cost an incredible amount even without the lodging part being paid for.

I think your hearts were in the right place and I feel for your wife but baby steps would have been the way I would have gone. This sounds like it was a pipe dream where y'all were on cloud nine thinking of all the wonderful possibilities and now are upset when it didn't pan out the way you thought it would. I also don't necessarily view your brother-in-law in the most complete negative way, perhaps because of the family estrangements in my family I view it more practical here.

I see your last update and that would have been the advice I would have given which is plan your trip. I hope you have a lovely time and the other family decides to come along it becomes that even better trip

 

[Jack Kerouac]

I might be the outlier here but TBH I'm not sure why the invite was extended anyways.

1) WDW or Disney in general isn't everyone's thing so you'd have to rely on these people, whom you don't have a strong connection with, to agree to go to a place that they need to likely be very interested in going to in the first place not to mention have the time to take off, the energy to do especially with young enough kids, the finances to afford all the other things (and tickets are so expensive just on their own never mind the food, the merch, Genie+/ILL, etc).

2) So many people express here going with families is usually a herculean effort much less a portion of the family you don't have a close connection with.

3) from your standpoint you're disappointed at the lack of their interest/communication but I would have taken their lack of initial response for that extended period of time that they were not interested and likely wouldn't have prodded further. Last time you saw them was potentially up to 6 years ago depending on when in 2016. Coming at it from having estranged family members it wouldn't occur to me if trying to build back that bridge to do a grand vacation where it tries even the most patient people and can cost an incredible amount even without the lodging part being paid for.

I think your hearts were in the right place and I feel for your wife but baby steps would have been the way I would have gone. This sounds like it was a pipe dream where y'all were on cloud nine thinking of all the wonderful possibilities and now are upset when it didn't pan out the way you thought it would. I also don't necessarily view your brother-in-law in the most complete negative way, perhaps because of the family estrangements in my family I view it more practical here.

I see your last update and that would have been the advice I would have given which is plan your trip. I hope you have a lovely time and the other family decides to come along it becomes that even better trip

Absolutely spot on with all of these points. When we invited them, we knew WDW was not for them, but to be fair, my wife did not know it was for her when she first went in 2022, and now she loves it. We invited them thinking the possibility of any savings might sway their decision.

My wife and her brother are close in a "text each other a lot" way. But I can't honestly say that means much. At least to me. He and I will text, but I could text the same things to a stranger and get a similar response: "Who is this?" Just kidding, but almost not.

We wanted this for our kids and their cousins. I wanted it for my wife and her brother. But maybe it was too much.

Smaller might be better. We can do our WDW trips and plan a non-WDW with them.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We can do our WDW trips and plan a non-WDW with them.

I hope you do eventually get a trip with them wherever it ends up being

 

[Jack Kerouac]

I hope you do eventually get a trip with them wherever it ends up being

Thank you. You're sweet. I know my wife and boys do too.

 

[Sammie]

You're rather astute. I would rather pass, but its all for my wife and kids. I'm not one to brag about things like this, but perhaps it came across that way when we offered them the free room.

I think the suggestion to take a trip to their area and do things with the kids is a good one. Sadly I think Disney would be too much in more ways than cost.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

I think the suggestion to take a trip to their area and do things with the kids is a good one. Sadly I think Disney would be too much in more ways than cost.

This is what I'm leaning towards, especially after hearing all of the input from fellow Disboard members. Just one more reason why I love Disboards.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

Just wanted to post a quick thank you to everyone who has read and posted on this thread. It means a lot to me because it has helped me process my feelings on how to make this potential trip occur for my wife, my boys, and our extended family. While the responses have not been unanimous (which is to be expected and should be accepted) I am encouraged by the generosity of everyone. I appreciate your point of view, your encouragement, your advice, or your blunt criticism. Albeit, no one has been unkind, so there's that. But just wanted to post a very positive thank you to everyone. Love to everyone!

 

[chuff88]

If any of you are going to be in WDW the week of July 4th, 2024 feel free to send me a message! This group has been awesome to communicate with. Doing the Disney cruises is what pushed me to become a DVC member (I got off the Wonder this last Sunday and met a bunch of really lovely DVC members). I'm not a particularly outgoing or extroverted person in my regular life, but I love meeting people on the cruises and I'm looking forward to meeting more people in the DVC community.

 

[jo-jo]

I understand the want for cousins to meet. Is there someplace in between your two homes, you can meet, have a weekend type trip, go to local amusement park etc.

What If you got to Disney, youre rope droppers, they are are sleep till 11? Your crew loves thrill rides, Winnie the pooh is their style. Close families have trouble planning, almost strangers could be a nightmare.

 

[Her Dotness]

This conversation reminded me of moving to where we now live, just 5 hours' drive from my younger sister and BIL.

I said to DH, "Maybe now that we'll be a little less than half the distance we've been from each other, we can get together more."

In retrospect, that was wishful thinking of the delusional sort. I don't know why I said that.

My sister (only sibling) is almost 6 years younger than I am. We weren't close as kids, despite being pressed occasionally to "do something with your sister." It was like growing up with another only child with that much difference in ages. I wanted to run around climbing trees and riding bikes with neighbor kids but was encouraged to "take your sister out to play with you." She was 3. I was nearly 9. There wasn't much we could reasonably do together.

As we became adults, there was increasing distance due to few shared interests. It's not unusual for us to go months without a phone call. We haven't seen each other since her retirement party over 6 years ago, and that was after a gap of 15 years.

Sometimes, you're biologically family but in other important ways not really. That may be a factor as well in Jack's case. His wife may feel, "We should see them more. Our kids ought to know their cousins," because that's what families are supposed to do. But, neither family has enough desire or common interests to bridge the gap. It happens.

In my case, I'm not really sorry. I only think I should be.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

I understand the want for cousins to meet. Is there someplace in between your two homes, you can meet, have a weekend type trip, go to local amusement park etc.

What If you got to Disney, youre rope droppers, they are are sleep till 11? Your crew loves thrill rides, Winnie the pooh is their style. Close families have trouble planning, almost strangers could be a nightmare.

Branson, MO. That's where we could meet half way and have something to do.

We are not rope droppers, but they might want to be rope droppers since this will be their one trip to WDW.

I don't see this trip going well if they join us, unless we agree to doing separate trips and just meet for a few meals, to swim, etc.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

If any of you are going to be in WDW the week of July 4th, 2024 feel free to send me a message! This group has been awesome to communicate with. Doing the Disney cruises is what pushed me to become a DVC member (I got off the Wonder this last Sunday and met a bunch of really lovely DVC members). I'm not a particularly outgoing or extroverted person in my regular life, but I love meeting people on the cruises and I'm looking forward to meeting more people in the DVC community.

I wish I was. I'm a month later, unfortunately. I often feel the same way. There are a lot of wonderful people on these boards.

 

[_auroraborealis_]

I think when this does not happen your wife may need help working through feelings of grief for the relationship she wishes could happen but her brother has zero interest in.

This is pretty normal.

 

[Her Dotness]

I think when this does not happen your wife may need help working through feelings of grief for the relationship she wishes could happen but her brother has zero interest in.

This is pretty normal.

There is much to be said for this suggestion, IMO.

Culturally, women are often raised to be "conservators" of family relationships, a role they take on devotedly oftentimes once parents are gone or as they have children and feel a need to rekindle relationships "so the kids know their family."

The catch is that that desire to relate actively and more often must be reciprocated. When you have nothing much beyond genetics and a feeling of obligation, trying to form a closer relationship can be counterproductive.

Sometimes, maintaining a distance is actually best and all that can realistically be achieved.

 

[Matty B13]

Just remember you are a new DVC owner...... which means you are probably going to be going to WDW or DL ever year, so just let them know when you are going but don't offer a room. If they want to go they will figure out a way to make it happen. Just offer them advice when they let you know when they want to go.

We wanted to make the big family vacations work when we first bought in, and had one big trip with 2 of my sisters and parents within the first 2 years of our new contracts. After that no one else really wanted to go because they had their fill of Disney and where at different places in their lives. Also remember us DVC owners are a VERY into going to Disney for vacation, must other people aren't.

 

[Her Dotness]

Also remember us DVC owners are a VERY into going to Disney for vacation, must other people aren't.

Indeed.

DH sometimes tells me about conversations he has with coworkers who've asked where we're going on vacation this year. "The usual, Disney World," has become his response.

Those inquiries turned into incredulity when he said we'd bought into DVC. Upon his explaining how much money a buy-in often requires, coworkers were almost universally, "It costs HOW MUCH?" or "Can't you just get a hotel?" or "Wow! I bought my kid a good used car for less than that."

The only one who really gets it is the coworker who goes to WDW annually like us and bought into RIV last year, graciously naming us as having recommended DVC to her.

Virtually everyone else we know except DH's brother and family don't get it at all. "Jim" explained to their dad that DVC isn't any old timeshare. It holds value. If they didn't have kids in college, they'd buy in, too.

It's easy to forget how little most people get us DVCers' dedication to Disney trips. Honestly, it's not normal adult behavior unless you have kids. Only then do non-Disney goers kind of get it.