When giving a pet as a gift backfires?

minkydog · Jul 10, 2013

It is never a good idea to surprise someone with a pet, unless you know for a fact they are ready and willing. The pet always loses. As much benefit as I get from having my little Tiki in my life, it would be nothing but heartache if I couldn't afford to feed him or call the vet when he feels bad.

My stupid SIL gave my MIL a kitten several years ago. Mom LOVES kittens, but she was living (barely) on Social Security at the time. She knew nothing about raising kittens, eventually lost interest and the kitten ran away(thank God!) So, of course, SIL immediately replaced it with ANOTHER CAT! :rolleyes2

Only she didn't know the cat was sick. SIL doesnt' live nearby so she didn't see the day to day stuff. One day she came in and found the cat lethargic, covered with urine, lying in the litter box. SIL took it to the vet--the cat has feline leukemia. Mom can't bear to put the cat down, so against the advice of the vet, SIL brought the can home where it languished and eventually starved to death. (we lived 2 states away and did not know all this at the time.)

Two months later, SIL bought her mother a Yorkie. :headache:

Which she couldn't afford to feed and didn't walk, so the dog either pooped in the house or was running the neighborhood. How he didn't get run over is a mystery to me. MIL went to live in assisted living shortly after that, so SIL inherited that little un-trained, no-manners doggy. And it lived to be 18yrs old. :rotfl:

Served her right!

If someone gave me a dog I didn't' ask for, I would give it back to them or find a rescue group for it.

Keira1387 · Jul 10, 2013

handbag lady said:
our shelters here are overcrowded and pets are put to sleep after very little time on display for others to rescue. Some dogs only get 24 hours. I couldn't do that to a dog in any situation. I would get a dog from a shelter, though.

^^this!

Traveliz · Jul 10, 2013

Uncle Remus said:
B. give it back to the person who gave it to you

at the same moment they thought they were going to give it to me.

Exactly my thoughts but I have never been a pet person and my friends and family know. I can't imagine anyone giving me one.

Liz

design_mom · Jul 10, 2013

If I couldn't keep the pet, I would probably first offer it back to the person who gave it to me. If that wasn't an option, I would look to rehome the dog... Either thru a no-kill rescue or myself.

I agree that giving a pet as a gift is not a good idea unless you are very sure that the recipient is on board with the gift and the long-term responsibilities. However, I don't think we have enough info to crucify the gift-giver in this situation. I am assuming that the cousin who gave the pet was the aunt and uncle's child.

Our most recent dog came to us through a rescue organization. The dog's previous owner kept him till a family was found so we got to meet the guy. He was blind. His parents gave him the dog as a gift, but he 100% wanted the gift and thought he could handle it. The gift was basically to help with start-up costs of buying the dog, it's bed, toys, etc. Day to day life with the dog was a lot harder than he bargained for, and that's how he ended up looking for a new home for the dog.

Either way, it sounds like the aunt, uncle, and the dog are in a bad situation... But it's unclear from the OP whether this dog was thrust upon the aunt and uncle. Or whether the the aunt and uncle wanted the pet, it was given, and now they find themselves in over their heads.

luvmarypoppins · Jul 30, 2015

Well I know this is an old thread but here is the 2 year update and its not good of course.

The pet is well loved but didnt do what my cousin, the gift giver, intended it to do which to help my uncle and his alzheimers which of course is so much worse.

My aunt who is the primary caretaker of the pet and as I stated is legally blind fell down and broke her hip.

She told my cousin this week that the dog must go because she cant see to clean up after it etc. And now my uncle cant help her with the dog.

So she told my cousin to take him and find a new home. My cousin said - I will put an ad in the paper. My aunt aid she would like my cousin to try and find someone she knows personally first .

So now my cousins new bright idea to my aunt--- Mom, you need a seeing eye dog. My aunt said no way!! I dont know why my cousin keeps thinking all these ideas she has are so great.

I posted about getting my aunt a talking clock because she likes to know what time it is etc. but I didnt get much response.

So yes, as everyone thought this was a bad idea right from the start. My aunt loves the dog and says she will miss him, but she has to think of her own health and safety etc.

gwynne · Jul 30, 2015

I think "gifting" a pet to an alzheimer's patient and his legally blind caregiver in these circumstances just plain cruel.
It forces the folks with all sorts of challenges to have to say no, and they may not want to. They may fear offending someone that they need help from sometimes.

If someone really wanted to let these folks enjoy some time with a animal, they'd bring their (well behaved!) pet over for a brief visit now and then.

(And I just realized this was an old thread with an update...)

FlightlessDuck · Jul 30, 2015

Never, ever, ever give a pet as a gift. Ever.

Luv2Run · Jul 30, 2015

Pets are not objects, they are family members. Would you gift a baby to someone? Heck no!

There's also a difference between a pet dog and a service dog (seeing-eye dog, therapy dog, etc). Service dogs are trained from puppyhood to provide care for their masters. The dog your cousin gave your aunt & uncle is not a service dog, and most likely will either need extensive training to become one, or may never become one.

I highly suggest re-homing this pup. Do NOT take it to a shelter. There are plenty of Facebook groups online that are much more effective for re-homing a dog than putting an ad in the newspaper. Simply type in your city's name + "Trash & Treasure" "For Sale" in the search bar on Facebook, and you'll be able to find what you're looking for.

Dizlvr · Jul 30, 2015

I really hope she doesn't put an ad in the paper.
If she can't find someone she personally knows she should contact a breed specific rescue.

Cannot_Wait_4Disney · Jul 30, 2015

luvmarypoppins said:
My cousin gave my aunt and uncle a dog. She said the reason why was to help my uncle socialize with it for his alzheimers etc.

Well also my aunt is legally blind so on top of helping with my uncle she needs a dog like a hole in the head etc.

Last night on the phone I actually heard her sound a little frustrated with the dog. She has had him a few months and is still training him etc. Not to mention the fence she got etc., dog run, etc.

I think she honestly doesnt want the dog. I dont know how long this will last before she has had enough etc.

If someone gave you a pet and you really didnt want it would you:
keep it
give it back to the person who gave it to you
give it to a shelter etc?

Well if I were blind and my spouse had alzheimers, I wouldn't accept the dog unless it was a trained assistant dog. If the person giving it didn't want it back, I'd take it to the shelter. There's just no way either of us could take care of an untrained dog.

elphaba91 · Jul 30, 2015

You should never give a pet as a gift unless you will be living in the same house and taking responsibility for it (i.e. you can give it to your child or spouse). One of my old co-workers gave another co-worker a fish as a farewell gift...she was leaving because she was going overseas for a year! :sad2:

ZachnElli · Jul 31, 2015

luvmarypoppins, I will probably be in your shoes in 2 years! Or less! My mil is disabled, has a walker, oxygen, dementia, you get the drift. She shouldn't be living alone (DH got her into assisted living, twice!, and his sisters didn't agree with her going there, but that's another thread!) Her really big, old dog finally had to be put down this past May. She didn't have the money to put her down (she had cancer everywhere!) so dh and I paid for it and the cremation and an urn. On Mother's Day, dh and I walked into her apartment and she said, "tell your sisters I don't want a dog!" Her first words to us that day, 2 weeks later, SIL got her a freaking puppy! We offered to take it and rehome it, it's a puppy so it would be easy to rehome and it appears to be a King Charles Cavalier to boot! She said she told sil to come back and get it, because she couldn't handle it and sil said no!! Grrr! Everytime DH goes over there, he has to pick up all the dog poop off his mom's floor! She's in a 2nd story apartment, that doesn't have an elevator, so she can't let it out. She also has 2 cats, that sil got her as kittens a year ago, they haven't been neutered or gotten any shots! Now mil is attached and wants to keep it. Sigh. So stupid.

BTW, our shelter is great, dogs only average 3 days in the shelter before they are adopted. They are always taking dogs in from other states that are over crowded because of it. Cats are another story, but dogs get adopted easily here.

Pea-n-Me · Jul 31, 2015

What is wrong with people.

FINFAN · Jul 31, 2015

To me, anyone who has not checked with the recipient BEFORE giving a pet had better be ready to keep/raise the pet themselves.

scrapquitler · Jul 31, 2015

FINFAN said:
To me, anyone who has not checked with the recipient BEFORE giving a pet had better be ready to keep/raise the pet themselves.

This, X1000.

A pet should NEVER EVER EVER EVER be given as a gift unless the recipient and the giver have discussed it ahead of time and agreed to it.

TLSnell1981 · Jul 31, 2015

Ponygirl said:
I got both my current dogs from shelters. Perhaps it depends on the shelter, but contrary to popular belief, they are not full of horrible, savage animals. They are full of animals whose owners were not up to the task. Somewhat like this situation.

However, I would offer it back to the giver first if it was me.

It's not the animals, that are the problem. It's the shelters.

Goofy_Disney_Dad · Jul 31, 2015

My mom said she'd never forget that pet alligator I brought home for her from Florida all those years ago.

EMom · Jul 31, 2015

Goofy_Disney_Dad said:
My mom said she'd never forget that pet alligator I brought home for her from Florida all those years ago.

You may joke, but someone in my family actually did this. My mother was not amused.

I love pets and have had them my whole life, but our current ones will be our last. If they live as long as the last ones did, we'll be senior citizens when they die and in no shape to take on more pets. We only have one child and she's not stupid enough to gift us with pets, since she'd have to take ownership if we couldn't keep them.

Only an idiot would surprise an older person with a pet.

When giving a pet as a gift backfires?

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